Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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