Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
