i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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