he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i believe in u and ur pee
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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