I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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