Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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