how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
