Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
