Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
