I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
