If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and she was petting her beer can
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
