Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
