Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
