just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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