You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I understand Curling. That high.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
