So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
