omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
