is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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