i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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