After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
