nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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