return my video game
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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