the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
