remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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