i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
