I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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