marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
