I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
