farters have to be the big spoon...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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