I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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