that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
