Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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