tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
