Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
