It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize