So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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