Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He has the fingertips of a God
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
