HIV tests are more positive than that guy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Send help, water and tortillas.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
