I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize