she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
