Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
