the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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