and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
