But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
