What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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