took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
