So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
