remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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