She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
