ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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