Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
