half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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