I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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