I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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