Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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