So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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