he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
