I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
