we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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