Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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