and she was petting her beer can
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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