lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
