This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
