I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
