Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
