I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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