Me too!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
