Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
