Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
