At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
