Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
