Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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