dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
