it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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