you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
