well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
