what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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