the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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