Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
