those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
