Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
